Looking Back
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: Um, After he married Carole Burt thinks back on his first wife and her funeral.


Burt/Mrs. Hummel (Elizabeth)

Same old story that everybody knows, it's one heart holding on, one heart letting go.

Everything was perfect, she was so lovely when she walked down the isle, he thought, looking at the picture as he did every now and again, always when Kurt was deep asleep and Carole having her girl's night out. He was happier now, happier than he could remember being after her death, and even though he knew she would want him to move on and be happy again a part of him, the part that would always love her, felt as though he was betraying her.

Burt sighed and closed his eyes, not that he truly needed to do so to remember what she looked like, he need only look at the gift she had left behind when she took her leave of this world, his darling Kurt, their little boy. He looked so much like her that sometimes it hurt to look at him, and his voice, god, but what always called her to mind was when Kurt smiled.

Especially the smile he had used so often recently, the same one that Elizabeth had given him even as she was dying, the one that told him not to worry, the one that told him that everything would be fine, even though he knew it wouldn't be. Elizabeth had been smiling when she died, just holding his hand and smiling while she kept his gaze until she breathed no more, it had taken him three days to pull himself together enough to pick Kurt up from his grandmother's, where he had been staying since his mother got sick.

And his heart had broken anew when those ever changing eyes had looked up at him and asked 'Where's mommy, daddy?' and how could he answer, how could he tell his little boy that his mother was gone, not because she had wanted leave but because she had had no other choice. But the question that had made him cry again was the one his son had asked afterward, 'Did she leave because of me?'

During the funeral, the one that he had almost not gone to, it would make it real, remind him that she was really gone , that he would never see her smile again, never hear her sing their son to sleep, never ask her to dance on their anniversery again, at the time he hadn't been ready to say good-bye, and only little Kurt's small hand held tigghtly in his had got him through it, his little boy hadn't let a tear fall, and at the time everyone had been angry, it had taken two weeks before Kurt had asked when his mother was coming home, and Burt had had to explain that she wasn't coming back, and had watched his litte boy cry himself to sleep at the foot of his mother's dresser, all of the drawers open and the scent of her perfume filling the room. Instead of moving the boy to his bed Burt had curled up next to him, until the school year began.

"Dad?" Kurt's voice made Burt look up, his son was rubbing his eyes as he looked at the man sitting at the dinningroom table. "You should be sleeping, it's not good for you to be up so late."

"You should be asleep too." Burt returned.

"Was just getting a cup of water." Kurt said around a yawn.

"How about a glass of warm milk?" Burt asked, standing up to make it.

"You haven't made me warm milk since mom died." Kurt said softly as he watched Burt bustle around the kitchen.

"It always helped get you to sleep, your mom too, on her sleepless nights."Burt explained.

"Do you miss her, even though you have Carole?" Kurt asked quietly when his father set the glass before him.

"Yes, but then no one ever forgets their first love, or their highschool sweetheart, or their first wife, the mother of their child, your mother just happens to be all of those for me." Burt said gruffly.

Kurt smiled and finished his milk, putting his glass in the sink, he then wrapped his arms around his father's shoulders, "Love you,dad." He whispered.

"Me too, Kurt, me too." Burt said softly as he held onto his son's arms for a moment.

"Night, dad." Kurt said before dissapearing to his room.

"Night." Burt said to the empty room.

Burt stood and put the picture away before he turned out the light and headed to the bed he shared with his new there he closed his eyes and slept. 


End file.
